Dear Deanna
by omelettethemusical
Summary: While Will Riker is stranded on Nervala IV for eight years, he records a series of video messages for his imzadi Deanna Troi. Little does he know that there's another version of him out there living his life. Background for "Second Chances".
1. Prologue

Will shielded his eyes and looked behind him, making sure all the scientists had evacuated the station. He stood with the rest of the away team, waiting to be beamed back to the Potemkin. Because of the storms, only one person could be beamed at a time. One by one, his crewmates disappeared in blue flashes of light until only he remained. He braced himself for the beam to lock on to his signal, and sure enough, it did.

Being inside the transporter felt like nothing. It was like falling asleep in an instant. Materially, he didn't exist. He were in stasis, his life in someone else's hands. And then… he was back.

On Nervala IV.

Will opened his eyes and realized in horror that the winds were still sweeping around him, the dust still flying in his face. He was all alone. He looked up through the gathering clouds at the Potemkin, sure that the transporter chief would see her mistake and beam him back up. But nothing happened. In desperation, he pressed his combadge. "Riker to Potemkin. Beam me up. Now!" Nothing.

Will's stomach lurched when he noticed that the Potemkin was flying away. The window to use the transporters had closed. He was stuck here for the next eight years.

Will Riker watched helplessly as the Potemkin flew out of sight.


	2. Chapter 1

"Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir," Will said, standing at attention in Captain Howe's ready room. This was the first time the captain had asked to see him personally since he had joined the Potemkin's crew.

"Your fellow members of the away team have informed me that your conduct during the mission was exemplary. I think it's about time your service aboard this ship was recognized. Therefore, I hereby promote you to Lieutenant Commander. Congratulations."

Will grinned proudly. "Thank you, sir." Now he was one step closer to becoming the youngest captain in Starfleet. He felt invincible.

* * *

After accepting the fact that the Potemkin wasn't coming back for him, Will went underground to escape the howling winds. It took his eyes a few seconds to adjust to the lack of light, but once he did, he realized that the science station was truly cavernous. Most of it was underground, and there were all kinds of supplies, including a replicator. The station was powered by wind, and he would have plenty of that.

Will went down the stairs and opened the door to a large room with dozens of computers. He turned on one of them. Scrolling down the screen, he saw thousands upon thousands of logs. It seemed every scientist had recorded one every single day. These logs were of no use to Starfleet. They already had all the information they needed on this desolate place. The logs were just taking up space in the computer files. But he couldn't figure out how to delete them. And maybe they would teach him something useful. Hell, he could even make his own. He pressed a button.

"Lt. Riker's personal log," Will said. He shook his head and turned off the screen. He wasn't Lt. Riker anymore. He wouldn't be Lt. Riker for another eight years, at least. He was no one.

Except to Deanna.

 _Deanna_. Suddenly he remembered. He fished for the small metal container in his belt and opened it. Inside was a lock of Deanna's hair. She had given it to him just before he left. He wished he had given her something to remember him by too. He twirled the hair gently between his fingers, and if he closed his eyes, he could imagine that she was there. Would that thought keep him sane for the next eight years? It would have to. Or else it would drive him mad all the sooner.

He turned on the screen again.

 _Dear Deanna,_

 _By the time you see this, I'll be a much older man, if I'm still alive. If I'm not alive, then this is my last will and testament. I leave everything I own to you. That's not much, but maybe you'll learn to play the trombone. I'd like to see that._

 _But let's face it, you'll probably have moved on and found someone else. I wouldn't blame you if you did. You deserve someone who can be there for you every day, as flesh and blood, not just a distant memory. I'd wish you were here with me, to help me cope with this. But that would be selfish. I just hope you'll watch this someday and see the man I was, and the woman you were. I'm sorry for all the grief I must be putting you through. But no matter what happens, I will always be your imzadi, Will._

He shut off the screen. "Are you sure you would like to complete your log at this time?" the computer's voice asked him.

"Yes," Will said.

"Storage space is limited," the voice said. "Each crewmember is allowed only one log entry per year."

"But I'm the only one here!" Will protested.

"Are you sure you would like to complete your log entry at this time?" the computer repeated.

"Yes," Will said. Just as well. He was sure his life would be far too monotonous for a daily record to be interesting. The computer shut down.

Will checked the stardate. Eight years, eight log entries. And then he would be rescued, if he was lucky. He didn't want to be like a prisoner who made a tally in the wall for every day he was inside. No, he would use a calendar like a civilized human being. He picked up a red pen and made a big X over the current day in the calendar on the wall. _One._

Will went down another flight of stairs into the scientists' sleeping quarters. As he looked around the room, he thought that he could sleep in a different bed every night. He sat down on the bed closest to the door and took a deep breath. He had gone through training for all sorts of scenarios at the Academy. But nothing had prepared him for this. He found a piece of paper and a pencil, and made a short list of what he needed to do.

1: _Survive._

2: Stay sane.

3: Get rescued.

He didn't dare write the fourth step: _wait_. But the waiting would go a lot faster after he fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 2

"I'm sorry, Deanna," Will said. "It's just - I never know where I'm going to be stationed next, and I don't think I'm ready for a long-distance relationship."

"I understand," Deanna said. Her voice was hollow and she avoided his gaze. "Congratulations on your promotion, Commander Riker. And your new assignment."

"Deanna - " Will said desperately. "It's not like that."

"Like what?" Deanna asked pointedly.

"You're the empath," he said. "You know how I feel about you."

"I do," she said flatly. "And I know how you feel about your career too."

Will laughed humorlessly. "You make it sound like my career is a woman," he said.

"Well, I know that your career is more important to you than any woman right now," she said. She kissed him on the cheek. "Goodbye, imzadi. Maybe one day we'll meet again."

After Deanna left, Will touched the spot on his cheek where she had kissed him. "Goodbye, imzadi," he whispered.

* * *

 _Dear Deanna,_

 _It's been a year since I was stranded on this godforsaken planet, and I can finally record another log entry. I wrote down everything I wanted to say. I'm trying to look on the bright side. One more year here is one year closer to being rescued and seeing you again._

 _I only had one uniform when I beamed down here, so I've been wearing the scientists' uniforms. Most of them are too small for me, but I've found a few that fit. I hope they don't mind. They shouldn't, since I helped save their lives and all._

 _As you can see, I've also grown a beard. I've always hated shaving, and I figured no one can see me anyway. I don't look so young anymore, that's for sure. But I do keep it trim - I don't want to have a three-foot-long beard when I'm rescued like one of those castaways in old TV shows. I hope you like it, if you ever see it. Or feel it. I wonder what it would be like to kiss you with a beard. Me having the beard, obviously - not you. Hah... I seem to be losing my dialogue skills._

 _I've been having strange dreams. I dream that I'm back on the Potemkin. I dream that I've been promoted to Lieutenant Commander, to Commander, to Captain. I dream that I'm with you on Betazed. I wish you could tell me what these dreams mean. They don't give me hope. They make me feel like I'm going insane, because I see what I'm missing. I've been drinking more coffee to keep myself from falling asleep and having these dreams. I know it's bad for me, but I can't help myself._

 _I've been watching the scientists' logs. I think I've seen all of them now, so I've gone back and started watching some over again. It started out as a way to distract myself, but I feel like I know these people. It makes me feel a little better knowing that these are the people I rescued. That this wasn't all in vain. I hope I get to meet them again someday. And you. God, I miss you all the time. I hope you're still thinking about me._ _Love, Will._


	4. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry about the slow update! I was super busy with school for a while, but I'm on fall break now so I've had some more time.

* * *

"You have the bridge, Commander," Captain DeSoto said.

"Why?" Will asked. "Where are you going?"

"To Transporter Room 1," the captain said. "I'm beaming down to Altair III."

"Sir, with all due respect," Will said, "it's too dangerous. Your place is on the bridge."

"I know my place," Captain DeSoto said. "It's time you learned yours."

"But sir, my job is to keep you safe."

"Your objection is noted, but I have made my decision," the captain said firmly. "Now follow my orders, or I'll have to report you for insubordination."

"Sir, it's against regulation for - "

Captain DeSoto turned to the security chief. "Lieutenant Burns," he said, "escort Commander Riker off the bridge." Lt. Burns nodded and led Will off the bridge, the latter's hands behind his back. DeSoto turned to his second officer. "Commander Martinez, you have the bridge."

"Aye, sir."

As soon as they were off the bridge, Will turned to Lt. Burns. "So, are you going to confine me to my quarters?" he asked drily.

"No," Burns said. "My orders were to escort you off the bridge, nothing more. Between you and me, sir, I think you were right. The captain was out of line."

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Will said. "I only hope the JAG sees it the same way."

Will returned to his quarters and buried his face in his hands. He was so close to becoming the youngest captain in Starfleet. He had sacrificed everything for his career, including his relationship with Deanna. And now he had guaranteed himself a court-martial, and for what? Captain DeSoto had beamed down anyway. If he died, at least Will could say that he tried to stop him. God, he was such an idiot.

 **Two months later**

Will walked across the bridge of the Enterprise with Captain Picard toward the turbolift. He was still impressed with just how big everything was. Suddenly he sensed a familiar presence. He turned to look, and his heart skipped a beat when he recognized Deanna. But she didn't look happy to see him. She just stared at him with her big black Betazoid eyes.

 _Do you remember what I taught you, imzadi? Can you still sense my thoughts?_

Will suppressed a smile. Not only had his "mistake" given him the second most prestigious job in Starfleet, but it had brought him and Deanna back together. Things were looking up.

* * *

 _Dear Deanna,_

 _I wish I had a holodeck. I wish... I wish a lot of things there's no point in wishing. Sometimes I think about my first assignment, the_ Pegasus. _I never told you about it. I never told anyone about it - Captain Pressman swore me and the other survivors to secrecy. I'm only talking about it now because no one will see this, at least not for a long time. The only reason I'm alive is because I joined Captain Pressman against the mutineers._ _Just like the only reason I'm down here now is because I led that damn away mission. Maybe this is payback._

 _I think I knew, deep down, that he was wrong. I've had a lot of time to think about it, to relive that mistake and all the others I've made over the years._

 _I wonder, if I had known you then, would I have made the same decision? I like to think I wouldn't. I like to think you were a good influence on me. You gave me a reason to stay alive. Every day I imagine how our date would have gone on Risa. I miss you so much, Deanna. So damn much._

 _Love, Will._


End file.
